A Reader Asks Me About My Assertions Around 'Unsilencing Women"

Often we as women provide labor and good deeds to other women without even thinking about it  ( babysitting, caring for elderly or people wh...

Often we as women provide labor and good deeds to other women without even thinking about it 

(babysitting, caring for elderly or people who are ill, writing to inform and empower, writing to entertain, passing on information about resources, teaching people to do something, donating food and other goods, cooking for groups, fundraising for others, safely transporting children, being an active listener in times of need....)  .

Around March of this year I published this piece:

Unsilencing Women's Health Issues

A wonderful and talented younger writer wrote a comment about my position in this piece.  

She wondered whether or not having privileges that I described such as 'access to the internet' automatically means that one is in a position to uplift entire communities of women who are more socially or economically disenfranchised. 

How many of us women have wondered the same. There is SO much work to do with and for other women. Also, we must uplift ourselves. That is a heavy load! 

I should note that the responder says: "on a much smaller scale, I uplift women in the ways that are within my capacity and in ways that feel right to me."

So, I am willing to bet that,  like a lot of us women, she does some pretty wonderful things for others and.....you know how we do.....we fail to see just how AMAZING our contributions to the community truly are.  We truly underestimate just how much we do in service to others.  

Just How Much IS Possible?

I appreciate this so much.  I too have struggled with this.  There have been people in my circle who wondered about this too. Is she trying to save the world or something?

Others, like the elder women who taught this way of life, have expressed their admiration, appreciation, and love for how I've implemented their teachings.  It turns out that they were right. 

Perhaps my response may offer others a bit of insight..... 

.

 Dear Reader/Brilliant Writer,

Thank you for this. I think you bring up excellent points about living as a someone surviving intentional silencing, misogyny, racism, AND poverty+++ This struggle is real!

I know this struggle by heart. When I was working to help others find housing & other resources needed to live & survive, I didn't have a stronghold on my own housing & resources. 

The first decade of my adult life I didn't have a dependable vehicle and public transportation remains under-developed in those areas to this very day. My first really great job offer, I had to turn it down because I didn't have transportation. I needed that job for that.  

I got my associate's and bachelor's degree by taking a class at a time as I could afford to attend. Sometimes I couldn't go, again,  because I did not have transportation.  I started college around 1991. I finished everything somewhere around early 2000s. 

In between, I was a single mom for several years. 

 I think a LARGE swath of women can relate to this. Too large.

The other side of that coin is that recognizing and appreciating what I had, and using that to serve the cause of women's advancement brought more. 

As I poured into others, others poured into me. Unique opportunities came my way and doors opened often because of my work with others. Job promotions, special opportunities, scholarships, recognitions, etc....

I truly can't even tell it all.

Pouring into others often meant: (pre-internet)

• Volunteering for special events for women's issues
• Nominating other women for recognition that they can add to their CV, resumes, or applications for funding. 
• Sharing women's stories, products, & services with others 

• Once, when I was asked to facilitate a training on disabilities, I made sure to bring Mrs. Wheelchair from our state as co-faciliator. I can't take credit for that tradition. The women who nurtured me into this work taught me that. "Make sure you are not the only, nor the last voice in any room." 
• The women who taught me the "co-facilitation" model taught me the value of partnerships between women. 
• When I was facilitating support groups among women in the local jail, I ran into a bit of resistance from some women serving time there.  Lessons from women who ushered me to that point in my life and career helped me. 

When I began to share my leadership role with one of the chief resisters, she became my vocal ally. Already a leader among these women, she amplified my voice at critical moments of tension. She had my back.  A woman in jail helped me by aiding in maintaining order as I facilitated those groups. 

In the Right Hands, the Internet is a Gift

Now we can do all of these things online.

Online we can remind others to buy products handcrafted by other women, especially in areas where women are even more oppressed.

• Tell stories of women who experienced fgm, period poverty, domestic violence in rural areas, period huts, etc...
• Tell stories of women educating girls in Africa about life-saving facts and truths about menstruation.
• Co-faciliate trainings with other women from other places and different circumstances.
• Silently listen to the stories of what it is like for other women in other places.

Having the internet and somewhat of a voice (such a fragile thing) is a privilege and a tool that we can use to help ourselves as we help others.

Again, these things were taught to me. I'm just letting others know that these things other women talked about like "lift as we climb" actually work for us as individuals and collectively as women.   

Of course, each journey is different. For the majority of  women on this planet, just getting to being able to afford the basic necessities for our individual lives, is an uphill battle from the crib to the casket. 

I'm 52 tomorrow. 

Still learning, growing, and appreciating this journey and the courageous and dynamic women whom I've encountered on it. They are still teaching me new things about this life every single day. 

In Solidarity

30+ years 

Served many thousands of 

women, children, and men 

......"I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now." 

Upon Reflection

Often we as women provide labor and good deeds to other women without even thinking about it (babysitting, caring for elderly or people who are ill, writing to inform and empower, writing to entertain, passing on information about resources, teaching people to do something, donating food and other goods, cooking for groups, fundraising for others, safely transporting children, being an active listener in times of need....)  

I've yet to meet a woman who asked me about this very thing, wondered 'how she could possibly', who wasn't already doing quite a bit to serve other women.

Now that you think about it, what do you do to help lift other women that you may have been making light of?

Don't hold back. My early years of completing my education are thanks to babysitting and rides to and from school-ALL women. None rich or wealthy.

(Not included in the response)

PS.  One of my college scholarships was granted based on an essay I wrote.  I quoted Marian Wright Edelman, a woman I highly admire. 

 “Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time.” 

― Marian Wright Edelman

I got an opportunity to write about my volunteer work and why I agreed with Marian Wright Edelman.  At the time: I was very financially poor, a single mom of a toddler, and had no transportation. 

I got the scholarship. I needed that scholarship. 

As for the global effort? 

I definitely believe in that. I believe that we, as women should continue to explore ways that we can uplift others around the world. Going forward, the internet continues to be a powerful tool that we can use to fight against the oppression of women.