To the Misguided, Misdirected, Mislead, and Misinformed, about Child Sexual Abuse

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Back in 2016 this post was inspired when a very famous celebrity publicly blamed how young girls dress for males in schools being sexually t...


Back in 2016 this post was inspired when a very famous celebrity publicly blamed how young girls dress for males in schools being sexually tempted. I was so angry and disappointed.

Originally published 4/15/16 

Myth: Young girls can stop males from raping them if they just wear more layers of clothing.

We thought they were right 

      

Some of us were children when an older girl told us that it was "normal" to play with each other in a way that left us devastated.

Some of us were children when a group of older boys told us it was "normal" for boys and girls to play in a way that left us devastated.

Some of us were children when an adult told us it was "normal" to physically show love to one another in a way that left us devastated.

They were wrong



We figured out that they were wrong when we began to have nightmares.

.....Or wet the bed

......Or had stomach aches weekly even when the stomach flu wasn’t even going around at school.

......Or when we were scared and lonely all the time.
 

.....Or someone took us to the pediatrician, and we had a sexually transmitted infection. As children.

We had a feeling that they were all along.  
Something didn’t feel right.  
Something felt strange. 
Something felt wrong.

 But we thought they were right.

Children Do Not Know

But children don’t know a multitude of things.

Children don’t know whether to believe in Santa Clause, 
the Easter Bunny, 
or the Tooth Fairy.  



And your excuse?

So, of course, children do not know what is normal when it comes to sexual violence.
 

What is shocking to me is that grown people don’t know what is normal. 

I know how you all became adults without acquiring this knowledge.  

No one taught it in school.  



People came to our schools to tell us how to brush our teeth. 


They came to talk about fire safety. 
(Remember Stop. Drop. and Roll.?)  

They came to talk about birth control. 

But no one came to talk about healthy human sexual interaction.

And nothing about sexual violence. Nothing at all.

It is extremely rare for families to discuss it.

It isn’t discussed in faith communities.

 
So, there isn’t any place to gather the knowledge. 


Therefore, I understand when adults don't have a full understanding of this. Okay.


But 

But, what I don’t understand is how you manage to maintain your status as a reasonable-thinking adult and not educate yourself on healthy human sexual interaction.

That, I don’t get. At all.

People know more about phones, computers, tablets, streaming, downloading, social media, and such than they do about healthy human sexual interaction.

Victim Attire 



Please, let me talk to you about this because, this, I know about.


A lot of us were wearing a whole lot of clothes and the people who intended to harm us, took them off of us.


When I was harmed, raped, I was wearing what most children wore in the 1970’s.

Turtlenecks, rompers, bell bottoms, corduroy maxi skirts, and thick tights.

 In fact, my mother made most of my clothing on her sewing machine. That wasn't so unusual for that time.
 

I remember all my sister and I wanted to do was wear denim jeans and a t-shirt.
 


My Mama was like, “Nope.” 


There was no escape. My aunt, and her sister, who was like a second mother to us agreed.  And Aunt was a beauty pageant winner so she was no help. She just fanned the flames.

In those days, it was still a big deal for a girl to look a "girl", and a boy to look like a "boy". It all seemed dumb to us. But it was what it was.

Still, I couldn’t wear any skirts that flared when you twirled around. No wardrobe malfunctions allowed.  I wore clothes that had a prim and proper look to them. 


See back then, how you looked wasn't just a reflection of you. It was also a reflection on your family. How you looked, told everyone whether you were from a "good" family and home. A good family and home didn't necessarily mean wealth, it meant having good morals, values, and being hard-working. 


Must I Look Like a Little Girl?


If you asked me, my clothes looked like “little girl clothes”. To me, that was a bad thing.

I recall getting laughed at in my gym class because my mother wouldn’t let me wear the shorts that were popular at the time. 


Gym shorts were supposed to be mid-thigh. 
I had to have shorts to my knees.  

My gym teacher whispered to me, “Is it your religion?”

I whispered back, "No, it's my Mama."

I just knew that that was worse.
I think my gym teacher did too.  
That conversation was left right alone.

To this day my mother vehemently defends her decision to dress me in those ugly knee-length sea foam green polyester shorts.

Even though my mother followed all of those "rules" that society came up with, I was still raped by people our family trusted.




The Truth

Let me tell you, this ain't what I heard, this is what I lived.
It doesn’t matter what a victim wears. 


Short skirt. Long skirt. Layers, upon layers.


Hear this: 
 
One of my worst memories is being taken out of my layers of prim and proper clothing that my mother sent me to school in.

She sent me to school in layers so that I would be warm that day.

I was raped that day.

After school.


 By someone, my mother thought that she could trust.  

                      They. Do. Not. Care.


Please stop acting like these people with evil intentions have standards. 

They will leave this "prey" alone if.....  

You have been watching too many horror films and not reading or hearing enough facts, statistics, and confirmed truths from experts and Survivors of sexual violence. 




Waiting on you


 “Yeah, it is normal for men to look at girls/women in provocative clothing and lack self-control.”

Too many say this daily, like some mantra from an underground cult.


We truly wonder about you. I don't think that you realize this, but you are saying exactly what pedophiles and predators say. 
Sound just like them.
 


⇾We were alone with them.
⇾We were vulnerable.
⇾We were prey.
⇾We didn’t know what we know now.



Please, whatever you are reading this on, please use it to update your knowledge of sexual violence.  

Myth: Young girls can stop males from raping them if they just wear more layers of clothing.

Truth: Males who rape, rape others because they want to.


You are welcome to share your thoughts in the discussion area......





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