The Truth about Survivors of Sexual and Domestic Violence and Boundaries

The Very Idea People used to walk all over my boundaries.  And, I used to allow them to get away with it.  Wise counsel taught me that that ...

The Very Idea

People used to walk all over my boundaries. 

And, I used to allow them to get away with it. 

Wise counsel taught me that that was because I didn't even know what a boundary was. I knew that land had fences and gates, but people? 

I had no idea that people had boundaries, territory, personal space.  

Even more, I didn't know that I was entitled to this. 

Well, I'll be. 

Origins

See I could trace this back to being a Survivor of sexual violence.  There is a strategy of cruel tactics manipulation that tricks a chosen victim into lowering their boundaries. 

This strategy can take place over the course of minutes or years. But, no matter how long the strategy lasts, damage can leave you vulnerable for years. 

At least until you are made aware of the damage and you begin to work to repair it. 

           Repeat for Domestic Violence
The same strategy of cruel tactics and manipulation is used against victims of domestic violence.  This is yet another reason that victims aren't always able to leave.  

Because of the damage that the abuser has done to them, victims of domestic violence are not in the same shape as when they came into the relationship ~Tonya GJ Prince

Note: A better question than, "Why doesn't the abused leave", is "Why does the abuser, abuse".

 Of course, it is more than just the fact that I am a Survivor that went into my lack of knowledge about boundaries. 

I am a woman, so there was all of that nonsense about being "nice" that really hasn't served me. Friendly okay, but "nice", I divorced for safety reasons.

Childhood: Some of us were raised to be seen and not heard. We had no right to our feelings. We barely had any rights to our own thoughts. Our parents raised us how they were raised.

I am a minority and some might be tired of hearing about it but try living it. When I assert boundaries around my culture or race some outside people say I have an "attitude". 
Shrug.

Gate Check
This will not be easy.  

Whenever you assert or enforce your boundaries, there will be people around you who will throw back accusations.

Some may try to drag you back to the "old" you. They will talk about your weaknesses, your old ways, and your failures. 

Translation: Who do you think you are? You don't have a right to boundaries. I come and go as I please across your space. 

You might even lose friends and family who don't appreciate the new limitations. Let them go. 
Like weight you need to lose. 

Boundaries are extremely healthy!


Stay strong Survivors. 


Readers please suggest books, sites, podcasts, audio, on Boundaries. This is a challenge for most Survivors..............