Mocking Your Safety Measures is Their Coping Strategy


There is a group of people that feels pretty good about themselves right now.  They get to laugh at and mock women who take seemingly extrao...

There is a group of people that feels pretty good about themselves right now.  They get to laugh at and mock women who take seemingly extraordinary precautions to stay safe:

  • in their homes, 
  • in their hotel rooms
  • in their cars
and call women who are interested in hearing stories about ordinary people dealing with the crime, "true crime obsessed".  

Fear Porn

Labeling real-life crime stories "fear porn" doesn't make much sense when the same people regard scripted dramas like....

The Wire"
"The Sopranos"
"Game of Thrones", 
"Sons of Anarchy" 
and "Power" as 'must-see' entertainment.  

None of those dark gothic tale 10 series dramas that people binge-stream are "fear porn"?    

But victims' real-life stories, along with their families and friends, are "fear porn".

It's as if "true crime" is fiction and happening to aliens from a different planet.  The crime stories of today represent individual victims' stories.  Still, all that aside,  many women and girls, far too many women and girls have indeed encountered male violence.  

Women and girls know from lived experience that male violence can be torturous and deadly in an instant. 

In fact, it is so common that when you ask women about it, you find that they are dismissive about it.  And then when you gently bring this to their awareness, they are surprised.  
True Conversation
Me: "Do you realize..... that you just told me that you 'let him do it' 

Her:  "I just wanted to live. I wanted to get through the night. I did not know what this man was going to do. "

MeSo you did not want this to happen?

At some point, it dawns on her and she realizes what she has been carrying around.  She realizes the source of her pain for the past months. The awareness opens the door to healing.

Me: It's okay.  It is a coping mechanism.  It is how you survive. 

An unspoken epidemic’: Homicide rate increase for Black women rivals that of Black men

Mocking is a Coping Strategy Too

Mocking danger is a coping strategy because it allows individuals to gain a sense of control over a situation that they may feel powerless in. 

By making light of the danger or making fun of it, individuals can distance themselves from the fear and anxiety that the danger may be causing them. 

Additionally, mocking danger can be a way for individuals to assert their power or dominance over the situation, which can help to reduce their feelings of vulnerability. In some cases, mocking danger can also be a way for individuals to connect with others who are experiencing similar fears and anxieties, which can provide a sense of support and validation.

Plus, the added bonus of joining together with a group of people to laugh at women.  Misogyny is a whole lot of fun! ....to many. 

Such people do not know or care about the real dangers that women face. They will not work to change the system or close any knowledge gaps or systemic loopholes.  They do not see the benefit in doing so and they refuse to look and see. 

They just make jokes. Amateur level at that.
That's all that they do.  
You can't expect too much more from them.
Such people are not typically interested in offering solutions, or looking at accurate data....nah....jokes. 

What Now?
Knowing this, you must make sure that the leaders that you vote for and the leaders that you appoint are people who will take action to make safety a reality for ALL. (Not just the current political favorites) 

AND network and connect with the people who genuinely want to take action.  Support their projects and ask them to support yours.  Even when you take breaks, (always take breaks) maintain a healthy support network. 

Additionally, we must make certain that financial support goes towards assisting women, victims, and Survivors.  We can point to the lack of resources in the community to demonstrate that there is a need for support from taxpayers.  Such an investment goes a long way toward crime prevention. 

It is important to note that mocking danger is not always a healthy or effective coping strategy. Sometimes, it can lead to avoidance or denial of the danger, which can worsen the situation. 

Additionally, mocking danger can sometimes be hurtful or offensive to others, which can damage relationships and make it more difficult to cope with the situation. 

 Listen, I'm amazed at the number of people who don't make the connection between:

No one ever comes to me about violence, abuse, and fear


I mock violence, abuse, and fear
I am not holding myself out to be a person that people can confide in about violence, abuse, and fear. 

There is nothing funny about women being the primary targets of rape, stalking, and murder.

You're not a victim for sharing your story. 
You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. 

You never know who needs your light, warmth, and raging courage.


Murders of Black Women and Girls on the Rise, According to FBI Report


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WE Survive Abuse : Mocking Your Safety Measures is Their Coping Strategy
Mocking Your Safety Measures is Their Coping Strategy
WE Survive Abuse
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