How Some Well-Meaning Proclamations Contribute to a Culture of Abuse and Victim Blaming


  Some proclamations are written or spoken to defend groups that people want to protect. Understandable.  When you start talking over victim...


Some proclamations are written or spoken to defend groups that people want to protect. Understandable.  When you start talking over victims of violence and abuse then we have a problem.

 Perpetrators of child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and rape all wickedly prosper for years because of society's support and allyship-unknowingly or knowingly.

Protective Service

In a truly non-violent community, the concern of the victims is the first thought that comes to mind.  In a heart and soul that is about healing, love, and safety for all; the victim is the first thought that comes to mind.  These thoughts should be spoken and written everywhere so that victims can see them. So that perpetrators can see them too.  Let love rule.

Upon learning of allegations, such communities are immediately concerned with providing support, healing, and safety. The second thought should turn to accountability. If you weren't a witness to the acts in question, there is no reason to provide protection for alleged violators of the acts mentioned. 

The following proclamations are public relations (PR) statements that silence future victims who may need to come forward. 

The following proclamations provide cover for violators in these categories. 

The following proclamations protect abusers and NOT children or vulnerable adults:

Not a Pastor

Not a Priest

Not a Bishop

Not a Muslim

Not a Jewish person

Not a Baptist

Not a Jehovah's Witness

Not a Catholic

Not a Teacher

Not a Parishioner

Not a Church member

Not a Step-father

Not a Father

Not a Black man

Not a White man

Not a Latino

Not an African

Not a Homeless person

Not a Rapper

Not a Hip-hop artist

Not a Country/Western artist

Not a Rockstar

Not a Drag Queen

Not a "Methhead"

Not a "Crackhead"

Not a Poor Man

Not a Wealthy Man

Not an Athlete

Not a Coach

Not a Professor (from this school)

Not a former Convict


These statements are the opposite of "MeToo". These statements are the immature response essentially saying "Not Me". If these are the words you speak then you have chosen to be allies with abusers and violators who hide amongst all the good people in these communities. You are now their cheerleaders.

It is already difficult to impossible to get people to listen and respond appropriately to abuse victims.  We do not need more obstacles to expose violence. We do not need more obstacles to truth-telling. We do not need the de-railing. 

 Using the courageous statements of victims and Survivors as an opportunity to do PR for groups you are trying to protect from who knows what is cowardly and selfish. People with good intentions and who want to protect others should avoid spreading these silencing phrases. 

WE must create spaces where victims are listened to and heard. WE can stop talking over them. WE can stop talking over news stories that inform us that people have been victimized in excruciatingly torturous ways. 

 Listen and allow victims and Survivors to take the lead in informing the world who the violators are. Because we know them behind closed doors. 

May your words demonstrate your support of victims and Survivors.

Defend folks all you want. Just try to avoid speaking over victims.

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WE Survive Abuse : How Some Well-Meaning Proclamations Contribute to a Culture of Abuse and Victim Blaming
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WE Survive Abuse
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