Wisdom in Womanhood: Challenge Gender Expectations with Love, Joy, Safety, and Respect

Younger generations are so cute to think older generations don't know anything about 'gender bending' and challenging external g...

Younger generations are so cute to think older generations don't know anything about 'gender bending' and challenging external gender norms. 

To be clear, most women could not care any less how a man that they are not loving on dresses, wears his hair, is intimate, or chooses to call himself. 

People forget the golden gift of being a female. We are multi-taskers. We are too busy multi-tasking something to be concerned with other people. 

The conflict arises when people attempt to pretend that a man who wears makeup, a dress, long hair, nails, and heels ceases to benefit from patriarchy, misogyny or that especially virulent strain of misogyny-misogynoir. 

Pretty Patriarchal

I'm a southern girl. Virginia.  But a great deal of my childhood was spent around southern New Jersey.

 When we moved to Virginia our northern accents were so strong and sometimes we did not understand the other kids. It was an interesting time.

More interesting than the places were the people in my life.   I had a close older male relative .....long pretty hair, bisexual, pimp, danced with snake onstage and adored us kids in the family.  I was fortunate to be able to see the good parts of his character.

Because make no mistake.  

As pretty as he was.... ...

As much as he bent his gender expression like a flexi straw-painted nails, delicate jewelry, earrings, visible thongs, crop tops, lip gloss and other makeup applied with the detail of a professional artist- ....he never pretended that being considered "pretty" meant that he did not benefit heavily from patriarchy. 

He was a pimp and yes, she better have his money. Every cent. Every dime. 

He was able to get away with dancing half-nude onstage with a snake because he had the muscular physique of a bodybuilder.

He was able to dress in any way that pleased him, dance onstage with a snake and pimp out women BECAUSE he was a male. He never denied that. 

He is no longer here on earth with us. In his last remaining days, he began to change his ways. Not because he believed that he would die. His death was sudden and unexpected. 

Something inside of him began to understand how his choices and misuse of his manhood were hurtful to women. 

Somewhere beneath all of that pain, turmoil, and suffering that was inflicted upon him in his boyhood was light and loveliness.  It was always fighting to come to the surface and permanently live there. 

We know this because a deeply personal, apologetic, remorseful, and adoring letter to God was found among his things after he died.  

We don't speak of him easily or often inside or outside of our family.

 This is life. People we love die. Sometimes after people are gone, talking about them brings us comfort and makes us feel good.

But, not always.

So much about the life he lived and the life he left behind remains ....unresolved and painful. 

Challenge in Love, Joy, Safety, and Respect

 What I know about my outwardly gender-bending and gender-challenging from family and friends is not as sad as this. Thankfully, much of it is joyful, fun, selfless, respectful, happy, and creative.

Including relatives who financially contributed to my education and pushed the younger generation to get our education and never stop learning. 

Women want to return to the fight that we started in the first place.

 Challenge gender, but do it in love.

Challenge gender expectations but do it with respect.

Challenge gender expectations, but do it with joy and love and everybody.

Challenge gender expectations, but do it with safeguarding and safety in mind. 

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