Unveiling the Hidden Danger of Enmeshment: Its Role in Perpetuating Male Violence


When we talk about male violence we have to address this truth. Some males have an insecure AND unhealthy attachment style to women.  Outsid...

When we talk about male violence we have to address this truth.

Some males have an insecure AND unhealthy attachment style to women.  Outside of being connected to them and making their lives more manageable, women do not exist.   For these men, women only exist to see to male comforts. 

Some males around you may see you as the person who:

  • feeds them when they are hungry
  • assures that their clothing is suitable for the public (purchasing, folding, ironing, cleaning)
  • listens to their problems
  • fights their battles

  • solves their problems

Like caring for a toddler.  We are not talking about a partnership of give and take. This is an unequal and unbalanced burden. Not a burden-sharing partnership.  

It goes to the heart of males who are rejected.  Some males do not believe that they can live on their own.  Who will do everything for them? 

The rejected male may falsely believe that they can't function independently because their own individual identities are lost.

See the story of Antoinette Chase who was murdered by her husband of 20 years, Spencer Chase. May she RIP.⚘⚘


Women and girls should absorb the full force of a mixed-sex restroom of male violence because males are afraid of other males. 

Women and girls asserting our human safety rights is viewed as "hateful", and "violent" even. Males do not even want to use the bathroom that is designated for them.  

They are afraid of violence from males.  Therefore women and little tiny girls too, should take on the burden of the danger of males having free access to female restrooms.....because, males are afraid of other males.

Enmeshment and Women's Health and Safety

Not one day goes by on social media where Black women are not noting misogyny only to be told that, "actually it is also hate against males too."

There have always been males, heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual alike, who do not see women as separate and individual people.  This is how you arrive at global misogyny being so commonplace.  This planet hasn't had a full day without violent misogyny being common. 

  • We do not have our own health problems unique to the female anatomy unless males can share in that too. Or at least have control and domination over women's unique reproductive system.  Forced sterilization, experimenting on slave women without anesthesia, demanding that males have legislative power and voice over what other women do with their own bodies.....

  • We do not have our own history unless males can somehow share in that too.  You see this when a prominent female in history is said to have actually been male. 

  • We do not have our own unique oppressions unless males can share in that too.  And subsequently more protection, energy, and attention from women.  
"If it oppresses Black women, it is hate against Black males too".....until it comes time to actually take real action against the oppression specific to Black women.  But on social media, it is the same. 

Enmeshment is a term used to describe a relationship in which two people are excessively involved in each other's lives, to the point that they lose their sense of individuality.  If you've ever been in a toxic relationship, you know all about this.  I used to have a bad habit of completely losing myself in relationships.  

I would forget that I was a whole entire being before I ever met this other person.  I had my own preferences for music genres, art, personal style, sleep style,  ....the whole setup. 

I had to get help from therapists and my faith community to resolve that issue.  

I had to unlearn an unhealthy attachment style and learn a much healthier attachment style that allows me to be the free-spirited me that I love being. 

I enjoy very close connections but not enmeshments. In an enmeshed relationship, one person may feel like they are constantly being controlled or manipulated by the other person, and they may feel like they have no space or privacy of their own.  This might even see-saw back and forth as both parties work to maintain the enmeshment or bond. 

Enmeshment in Non-Intimate Partner Relationships
Enmeshment can happen in non-intimate partner relationships. Enmeshment is a type of dysfunctional relationship where the boundaries between two people are blurred and their identities are fused together. 

Negative Consequences of Enmeshment

Enmeshment can be a very damaging type of relationship. It can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression. It can also make it difficult for people to develop healthy relationships with others.
  • Loss of individuality: People who are enmeshed in relationships may lose their sense of individuality. They may start to feel like they are no longer their own person, and they may feel like they are constantly being controlled or manipulated.

  • Low self-esteem: People who are enmeshed in relationships may have low self-esteem. They may feel like they are not good enough for their partner, and they may feel like they need to constantly please their partner to be loved.

  • Anxiety and depression: People who are enmeshed in relationships may experience anxiety and depression. They may feel like they are constantly being watched or judged.  They may also feel like they can never do anything right.

  • Relationship problems: Enmeshment can lead to several relationship problems, including conflict.

If you are in an enmeshed relationship, it is important to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help you to develop a sense of individuality, to learn how to set boundaries, and to communicate more effectively with others. 



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WE Survive Abuse : Unveiling the Hidden Danger of Enmeshment: Its Role in Perpetuating Male Violence
Unveiling the Hidden Danger of Enmeshment: Its Role in Perpetuating Male Violence
WE Survive Abuse
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