Sarah Palin was correct.
Wait. Did I just write that?
Now, she and I may never come to this intersection again. Who knows if we’ll ever agree on anything in the years to come? We do today.
I am a Survivor of multiple perpetrators of child sexual abuse.
I wasn’t the first victim in my family. As a Black Woman, my reality is that sexual violence goes back generations.
Therefore, I worked my son’s whole childhood to protect him from suffering.
There were close calls, but faith, family, folks, and fight saved him.
I brought those ugly secrets about being raped to light at the age of 13. I’ve been healing and serving others for 20+ years now.
Here is what I know for sure:
The more likeable the rapist, the less likely people are to believe victims.
Just imagine that.
A raped child has to evaluate whether or not they can come forward, based on whether or not the person is likeable or not. At the same time, they have to evaluate how much people like them.
Nearly every child victim does this. It is part of the decision making process. Children decide whether or not it is in their best interest to tell someone or keep living with the secret.
Often that means keep living with or around a skunky person who threatens you, vandalizes you, rapes you.
I’ve helped children get past this process and come up with someone they can tell. Usually, it isn’t a parent. They don’t trust them. Even if the parent is a wonderful parent if the parent hasn’t talked openly about child sexual abuse and what the child can expect children are terrified.
They trust their favorite teachers and/or an anonymous hotline worker.
Adults who were abused as children go through the same thing.
See, when the rules are the same for everyone then children don’t even have to make those calculations. The rules are the rules at all times no matter who, what, when, where, and how.
But that isn’t what we have here is it?
The truth doesn’t matter, isn’t valid, and is less likely to be believed If you like the person.
Even if I were to draw a picture chart and match the actions of Josh Duggar (Note: I find his actions disgusting and reprehensible) with another accused person you’ll debate me in loops until the end of the world, you’ll get quiet, or you’ll give them another award.
Meanwhile, the children suffer. Then they grow up to become adults who suffer.
But, you’re entertained so………
This is why we can’t have nice things. Not everyone can handle the truth.
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LEARN what you can do in your community to help victims & Survivors of violence and abuse.
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www.WESurviveAbuse.com – www.TonyaGJPrince.com- www.BraidtheLadder.org
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“We’ve been there, experienced that. Trauma, Pain, Abuse & Rape. These are the lessons that we brought back.”
–Tonya GJ Prince has been a leading subject matter expert (SME) in domestic violence and sexual violence.
For over 25 years she has helped people heal, prevent, and overcome domestic and sexual violence.
In order to accomplish this mission, she founded several diverse & inclusive platforms designed to allow Survivors to use their own voices including;
WESurviveAbuse.com, SurvivorAffirmations.com, & BraidtheLadder.org.
Tonya is an author, activist, advocate, Survivor, speaker, counselor, & mentor.
B.S. Organizational Management & Development/Bluefield College
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