This post is not for the sensitive.
There is mention of abuse, rape, and sexual assault in this piece. And there’s lots of cursing. All the above and my conclusions will offend some people. If you’re easily offended, DO NOT read this post. I will not apologize for one fucking word.
Anger is not a horrible emotion.
Anger becomes a horrible emotion when people allow their anger to dictate their behavior. We are allowed to get angry about things we see in the world. Whether they happen to other people or to ourselves. Although anger fuels revolutions and change, anger is not an emotion allowed by everyone.
We do not teach women to display and use anger to express themselves. We teach women to hold their anger in or just accept things happening to them. Women need this emotion to keep themselves safe and to fight for their lives. Many women have suffered at the at the hands of others because we did not teach them to get angry.
The lessons we teach women about anger are ridicule, shame, labeling, or left in the dark.
All women receive this treatment no matter their race, economic background, education or their country of origin.
Dampening this emotion is a way to control women. Every group of women in the world has felt this control.
Let me be clear for all the m&(*# fuck@s in the back.
The angry Black woman stereotype is complete and utter bullshit created by white people to shut Black women down. And it worked.
Some of us do not speak because we don’t want to be labeled. I say no more. Fuck them. They can label us all they want to, as long as they give us what the fuck we need.
We should not have to pretend we are happy about situations or allow someone to harm us because of who “they” think we should be.
We do not raise white women to fight.
Not necessarily, physically fight. I mean to fight for themselves. I have seen too many white women take harassment, abuse, and plain old disrespect because they don’t know they can fight. I am not talking about reporting abuse or rape; I am talking about speaking words from their mouth to those who engage in harmful behavior.
Some situations are not always safe to do this, but I want all women to understand they have the right to say no, they have the right to fight back, and they have the right to stand up.
They label Latin women as violent, which is an extension of anger.
I have noticed quite a few Latina who quell their anger to avoid being labeled and to conform to what society wants them to be. Everyone acts like the anger is just a manifestation of their personality and not from something being done to them. They are not sociopaths for Christ’s sake. They just don’t want you fucking with them, and they have every right to feel that way.
Asian women-supposed to be docile and must be crazy if they are getting angry. I have actually heard people say, “I thought they were supposed to be quiet and docile. Why is she yelling? She must be too Americanized.” Really? So, they only have feelings when they cross the border into America? They aren’t born with them like everyone else? OK. To believe a human being doesn’t get angry sometimes can only come from trying to control a group of people.
Do you see the pattern?
There are a lot of groups of women I did not mention, but the concept is the same for all of them. We are being taught, raised and convinced we are not supposed to be angry or fight. It is one reason I hate the whole ‘be happy you survived’ for women who are victims of assault, rape and abuse. Assault, rape and abuse changes who women are, period. I am positive therapy helps, but they never get rid of the feeling. It’s why other’s stories, pictures, sounds and smells still trigger many.
No matter how much they normalize their life, that trauma is still in there. I don’t want women to think they have to take it. I want them to think I have to fight for it. I want their survival to come from the fight.
Women need to be raised to get angry. I am not saying that fighting will make every situation better. In fact, it might make it worse in some instances. The mark of prey hangs over every woman from the day she is born. Some will say that is a cynical view of the world. No, it’s realistic. Many of us, from the day we are born, are never safe from abuse and assault on our person. Some of us don’t feel it until puberty and the rest of us realize it when we are young women. That is the life of all women, even the women who pretend we are making this shit up. That mark is there and we should know how to fight against it.
Unfortunately, women contribute to this concept by telling girls to be lady like or to let it go; they believe women have no power. I am telling you, anger is that power. Anger allows women to tell them to s** &*%# when they say awful things, it allows women to care more about themselves than other’s feelings or a job; it gives women the power, when someone steps to them, to want to fight for themselves.
I want women to use anger.
I want them to get mad and stop taking bullshit from men (or women). I want them to get angry when someone says derogatory things or puts their hands on them. I want women to start dropping those family members who show no love, but are always looking for something. I want women to realize they are allowed to get angry; they are supposed to fight.
We need to stop letting this male-dominated society make us believe have no power. I want women to use anger to fuel who they know they should be.
Don’t let anger consume you.
Own that shit, ladies. We are smart.
We know how to display this emotion and to make ourselves heard. We know how to be angry, say what we have to say calmly and still scare the shit out of people. Use that goddamn emotion, ladies. Stop letting society dictate how you react to anything happening to you. If they want to label us as angry and crazy, have at it. I say we no longer allow the treatment of our minds and bodies to be determined by anyone other than ourselves.
My name is CD Pulley. I am a writer, storyteller, feminist, blogger, and member of the World Indie Warriors. Writing has always been a part of me. I wrote my first story when I was about nine or ten years old. Even then, my main character was a girl. I write stories about women who fight for themselves and for others. I also post women empowerment, writing advice, and writing topics daily on Twitter. You can visit my blog here womenareeverything.wordpress.com