Irony: A Woman’s Well-being Doesn’t Matter at the Spa


I’ve been patient.

The video depicting a Black woman complaining to the front desk about a male being fully exposed in an area that patrons understood to be a “female-only” space starting building visibility on Sunday. It’s Thursday.

I haven’t seen many Black women supporting this woman’s boundaries, nor her rights.

Sure, the law was debated but not her rights. Not her boundaries.

I’ve seen people debate the boundaries and rights of a child (a young girl was reportedly present) to be exposed to a fully naked male. I even got in on that one myself.

But, I haven’t heard anyone take the position that it is this woman’s right to set a boundary around her exposure to a fully nude male in a spa where women are in various stages of undress.

Now I could be wrong. If y’all know of people who are speaking up in support of her, please let me know because I have yet to see them. It’s easy to speak against Cosby, Kelly, etc. once the government gathers all the proof. All the evidence. When what the courageous accuser asserts suddenly appears to look like facts.

As for blogs and news articles, a significantly large number of them used the standard “angry Black Woman” adjectives.

Sing along if you know the words…….“irate”, “infuriated” “incensed” and “loud”.

Not much was mentioned about the random white man in the lobby who came close to her.

That white man called that Black woman in Wi Spa a d*** because she was complaining to the front desk about someone exposing a d*** to her and a little girl. And, even then, that BW was defending everyone else.

And Black social media said nothing.

Not only that, we didn’t respond when white led publications talked mess about her valid and rightful actions.

She bravely stood up for herself. She stood up for others.

I know how it goes. Unless a Black woman is fighting for Black men and Black boys, it is going to be a chorus of crickets.

A Black woman was trying to enjoy a day of self-care & complained about a male member being exposed to her & young girl; it was a *white man* who got in her face to tell her SHE was wrong.

Black women can’t afford to be silenced

When #women are silenced, Black women are silenced more. And the voices of Black girls don’t even register.

Today you have to really search through Google articles just to find articles that don’t paint that Black woman at Wi Spa as “hateful” because she didn’t want to see a male member during her self-care time.

AND did what BW always do, stood up for someone else, a young girl.

Self-care. Minding her own business. Taking care of her own health and wellness.

#Women are being silenced.

If all women are being silenced, who do you think has always & will continue to get the very worst end of that? Black. Women. #WomensRights

Harder to speak up FOR Black women.

Harder to #ListentoBlackWomen.

Harder to listen to Black women & Black girls when there is no evidence, just a feeling that something is very, very wrong.

Just a feeling that someone violated your boundaries. You know it is wrong but will other people agree with you?

Every Survivor has found themselves in this spot right here. Every single one. At the fork in the road when you have to decide the best thing to do.

Will people believe me?

Will people stand up for me?

Will people be as brave as they are asking me to be?

This is a universal concern for victims and Survivors.

Black women must speak now

Because as this episode has shown, if we don’t speak for us, not only will people not speak up for us in large numbers but when they write the story it will be all our fault.

(I’d like to acknowledge that I saw many white men and women speak up in support of her. Some folks didn’t share the video because they stated that they were trying to protect her.)

Trans, non-binary have every right to health, well-being, and safety.

Women and girls also have every right to health, well-being, and safety.

How do we make these two things align and co-exist?

And, The kids are right. We are not our ancestors because they would never……