The Excuses: Friends, Fam, & Loved Ones Making Excuses for Accused Rapists(video)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse There is a wise Czech proverb that says: “Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.” Rapists always have friends. It helps them to blend in with people who don’t rape other people. It also gives them nearly bulletproof protection from accusations of rape. When someone makes […]

How Good Parents Miss Child Sexual Abuse: The 5 Critical Questions You MUST Ask

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Update:  I published this during the summer months (2015). It spread rapidly across quite a few popular websites and I got a great deal of positive feedback.   May we get better every day at protecting children and keeping them safe.   How do good parents miss child sexual abuse? How do […]

It’s Anti-Black to Side Up with People Raping Community Members

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Myth:  “Where are the Black people to help Black people with sexual violence?” If you aren’t in the forums, social media platforms, events, legislative halls, courtrooms, emergency rooms, hospitals, streets, churches, fundraisers, battered women’s shelters, counseling offices, legal aid, hotlines- to see Black men & women toiling, sacrificing, working long hours […]

Because Privilege Still Buys Passes in the Criminal Justice System: Castration Laws

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse As a Black Woman, and long-time advocate against child sexual abuse I have concerns about laws making it legal to castrate perpetrators of rape against children. Of course, I am Always on the side of victims, especially child victims. That said, such laws have never made Black communities safer.  Instead, these […]

3 Things to Remember When Reporting Sexual Abuse

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse On Friday I was talking about how churches should handle sexual abuse allegations. But what if you have to report sexual abuse yourself? A number of issues came out in the comments on that post that I thought really should be highlighted. So instead of answering a different reader question today, […]

Anti-Survivors: You will deal, We will Heal (Part 1)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Even though Mama warned me that there would be days like this:                   When #MeToo took off I felt uplifted about the epidemic of sexual violence.  Inspired. Motivated. Hopeful. A great swell of healing was entering the atmosphere. I am very familiar with […]

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What the Church and People of Faith Can Do to Help Victims of Sexual and Domestic Violence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Speak on It About 16 years ago I was sitting in service and Pastor Lance Watson was delivering an amazing sermon.  The sermon was on relationships in general.     Let’s just tell the truth and shame the devil. To be honest, I wasn’t in a relationship at the time, so this […]

Victim-Blaming: The Real Deal

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Trigger Warning What the heck is victim-blaming anyway?  So victim-blaming is a term you hear from time to time. To be clear, when you say that you are doing it we mean that you are doing a bad thing. Yes, we do. It means that you are ridiculing, shaming, name-calling, harassing, […]

How Survivors of Sexual & Domestic Violence Can Make History

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Fannie Lou Hamer! Motown! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr! Rosa Parks! Angela Davis! Eartha Kitt! Recy Taylor! Dr. Maya Angelou! Nina Simone! Dorothy Dandridge! Motown! Malcolm X!   Names you’ve heard. Just judging by who is mentioned during Black History Month, it might seem that, in order to make history one […]

Survivors Have the Right to Tell Their Stories

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Silence You have the right to remain silent. I learned about the Miranda rights case in my 8th grade Civics class. Great lesson. Remaining silent can actually keep you out of prison. Got it. That was pretty easy. That went right along with the family’s commandment. “Don’t put all your business in the street.” […]

What’s In a Name: A Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse names Her Rapist

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Did I tell y’all about that time that they printed a speech  I delivered in public in the paper?  Well, that isn’t even the most interesting part.  The most interesting part was deciding whether or not to name the child rapist from my past. I bring this up because of this […]

Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 2

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 1     7.  Every choice that you ever made (sexually) is scrutinized.  They have questions. Everybody.   Q: How many intimate partners have you had?   Q: How quickly do you usually decide to sleep […]

What a Difference a Voice Makes

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse I am the most talkative of my mother’s three children.  I think that is how I began to write.  Part enjoyment, but yeah, part necessity.   I was wearing people out.     But it wasn’t until the age of 19/20 that I came into my voice.   I remember looking […]

Part 2: How to Teach Kids to Say “No” and Tell on a Child Sex Abuser ASAP

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Everyone is entitled to boundaries, especially our children. Children should be empowered to listen to that little voice that might say, “Uh-oh something doesn’t feel right.”If they don’t want to be touched that particular day or any day, no one ought to be allowed to push the issue.No one should be […]

Part 3: How to Teach Kids to Say & Tell on a Child Sex Abuser ASAP

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Children can get confused if we only place emphasis on someone touching them. We must remember to teach children that no one other children’s and adult’s private areas are off-limits as well. If anyone exposes themselves to a child that is a boundary violation. If anyone manipulates, or prompts, or forces […]

What takes so long: 7 Stages of Adjustment to Healing from Sexual Violence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Oh, so that’s what that is for So, I’m watching tv the other day.  There is a show on that I like about people who work on a rescue unit in large city.  The squad goes to help a guy who was injured on the job. This character who was working on a […]

The Truth about Child Sexual Abuse & Respect

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Someone once gave me this well-meaning parenting advice once: “Always teach children to respect their elders by teaching them to refer to adults as “Mr.” and “Ms.”  I get the spirit of this advice. Respect for elders & adults were huge in my mom’s home. We were raised to show ALL […]

5 Reasons Why the Silence Around Abuse Isn’t Golden

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse They say “silence is golden”.  No, it isn’t, it’s tarnished and rusty on the edges.  At least when it comes to abuse it is. Allow me to show my work: Backstory: A few months ago I was visiting a family member.  One day when my son was about 7, he was walking home […]