What is Grooming and What are the Signs | Hands Off Initiative

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Grooming as a concept is familiar to a lot of people, though they have never consciously defined it as grooming. In her 2017 article for Allure, Emma Sarran Webster describes it as an abuse tactic, quoting Eric Garrison’s definition – “Grooming is the slow, methodical, and intentional process of manipulating a […]

Rape charges dropped because accused thought victim ‘was someone else’ – NZ Herald

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Authorities told the victim the man made a ‘drunken mistake’ and denied to press charges. Source: Rape charges dropped because accused thought victim ‘was someone else’ – NZ Herald Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse

Dear Future Feminists & Womanists: They Are Not Going to Like You

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse   No matter how men identify, who they love, what their role is (or is supposed to be), how many wars they start, how many women & children they abuse & infect; men have the privilege of doing what they want with little thought to being likable, lovable, wifeable,  or sexually […]

Vulnerability Disclosure: Women Opening Up About Sex and Gender

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Tweeted by me recently: As a Woman, by a certain age, you’ve been called too many different things, by too many different people; in a messy attempt to reduce you. That’s why we make rules like this: I have a very simple and firm rule: I tell you how to refer […]

To Obtain More Equality for Females We Have to Talk about Males

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Females are not society’s department store bargain bin you dump all problems onto.-TGJP Centering the long-ignored needs of women and our children is important.  Essential. But, we as women can demand to know what males are willing to share, surrender, and change so that the needs of women and children are […]

Surviving Abuse Daily: Untold Stories of American Women’s Fight For Reproductive Justice

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NO SILENCE: Gender-Based Violence and Sex-Based Violence Against Females

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse As a Black woman doing this type of work, being a Survivor of child rape, I understand too well what happens when there is silence around uncomfortable topics and social issues.  The Black community continues to encounter resistance around discussing racism AND sexual violence at the same time.  There is pressure […]

The Excuses: Friends, Fam, & Loved Ones Making Excuses for Accused Rapists(video)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse There is a wise Czech proverb that says: “Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.” Rapists always have friends. It helps them to blend in with people who don’t rape other people. It also gives them nearly bulletproof protection from accusations of rape. When someone makes […]

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An Overlooked Fact: Men Are Working to End Rape Too! (Part 1)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse We always encourage folks to speak out about violence. Always, always, always.  AND, It is critical to both personal and community growth and healing that women and girls continue to have repeated discussions around how sexual violence impacts them differently in society. Fact: Sexual violence can and does happen to anyone. […]

When Will We Finally Be Done Talking About Violence and Abuse?

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse The answer to that question depends on all of us.  When we collectively get our acts together so that rape, abuse, and violence isn’t so commonplace…..maybe we can address people’s concerns about what now seems like daily open conversations about rape, abuse, and violence. Maybe. Some people seem to think that […]

What I Needed To Hear After Being Sexually Abused

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Photo: Pixabay via Pexels If you’re talking to a sexual assault survivor, here’s how to listen to them and what to say. Keywords: rape, sexual, sexual abuse, sexual assault, rapist, sexual anxiety, statutory rape, date rape, date rape drug, sexual abuse outcomes, rape awareness, sexual assault survivor, male sexual abuse, childhood […]

How Good Parents Miss Child Sexual Abuse: The 5 Critical Questions You MUST Ask

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Update:  I published this during the summer months (2015). It spread rapidly across quite a few popular websites and I got a great deal of positive feedback.   May we get better every day at protecting children and keeping them safe.   How do good parents miss child sexual abuse? How do […]

‘No thanks Grandma’: Children taught to say no to sloppy kisses to understand consent

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse For many children, a sloppy kiss from grandma was a rite of passage growing up. Now it’s being used as a light-hearted example to help empower children against potential sexual abuse. Read more: abc.net.au Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse

It’s Anti-Black to Side Up with People Raping Community Members

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Myth:  “Where are the Black people to help Black people with sexual violence?” If you aren’t in the forums, social media platforms, events, legislative halls, courtrooms, emergency rooms, hospitals, streets, churches, fundraisers, battered women’s shelters, counseling offices, legal aid, hotlines- to see Black men & women toiling, sacrificing, working long hours […]

Because Privilege Still Buys Passes in the Criminal Justice System: Castration Laws

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse As a Black Woman, and long-time advocate against child sexual abuse I have concerns about laws making it legal to castrate perpetrators of rape against children. Of course, I am Always on the side of victims, especially child victims. That said, such laws have never made Black communities safer.  Instead, these […]

FAQ: Where Are All the Black Women When My New Favorite Viral News Story is Trending

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse   Question:  Where are Black women who rally against abusive Black men when “XYZ crime” is committed against the community on this day? Answer: Every time you see a sexually violent crime go down/be reported and ask where the Black Women of #MeToo are, know this:    We are returning phone […]

3 Things to Remember When Reporting Sexual Abuse

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse On Friday I was talking about how churches should handle sexual abuse allegations. But what if you have to report sexual abuse yourself? A number of issues came out in the comments on that post that I thought really should be highlighted. So instead of answering a different reader question today, […]

How Should Churches Handle Sexual Abuse Allegations?

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Churches and sexual abuse are in the news all too frequently today. First it was the Catholic Church. Then other denominations started to be looked at–most recently in a huge expose of the Southern Baptist Convention (700 victims in 200 churches; read the Houston Chronicle’s report). I do believe that churches […]

What you should know about human trafficking, and how you can help victims

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse What you should know about human trafficking, and how you can help victims January is National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month. While the month is nearly over, the heinous violence of the human trafficking industry is ongoing, and our vigilance in helping victims and survivors should never stop. Here, a […]

Their Eyes Are Watching: Children witnessing domestic violence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  WESurviveAbuse.com collaborated AndHeRestorethMySoulProject.org to bring awareness to how domestic violence impacts children.   Here is the video that we produced for the project founded by Darlene J. Harris.           Watch this video on YouTube.   Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse

4 Eye-Opening Statistics on Effects of Rape & Sexual Assault on Women

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Effects of Rape and Sexual Assault  Compared to women who have not experienced it, those experiencing sexual assault are: 3 times more likely to suffer from depression 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol 26 times more likely to abuse drugs (World Health Organization, 2002) […]

Anti-Survivors: You will deal, We will Heal (Part 1)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Even though Mama warned me that there would be days like this:                   When #MeToo took off I felt uplifted about the epidemic of sexual violence.  Inspired. Motivated. Hopeful. A great swell of healing was entering the atmosphere. I am very familiar with […]

Imperfect Victims: How Hard Is It to BE a Good Person? (audio episode)

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Gabrielle Douglas received a lot of criticism when she victim blamed her Olympic teammate who disclosed sexual abuse. Criticism continued even after Gabrielle revealed that she too was sexually abused. This episode addresses imperfect Survivors. Host, Tonya GJ Prince shares her own story of being an imperfect Survivor.   Listen here–>>  […]

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What the Church and People of Faith Can Do to Help Victims of Sexual and Domestic Violence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Speak on It About 16 years ago I was sitting in service and Pastor Lance Watson was delivering an amazing sermon.  The sermon was on relationships in general.     Let’s just tell the truth and shame the devil. To be honest, I wasn’t in a relationship at the time, so this […]

Victim-Blaming: The Real Deal

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Trigger Warning What the heck is victim-blaming anyway?  So victim-blaming is a term you hear from time to time. To be clear, when you say that you are doing it we mean that you are doing a bad thing. Yes, we do. It means that you are ridiculing, shaming, name-calling, harassing, […]

No Gratitude, No Quilt: You May Never Fully Heal From Pain Without Gratitude

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Update! Several months ago, my mom asked me to buy her hair accessories similar to the ones that she once saw me wearing.  I did.   When I got there I asked for the money it cost me. Showed her the receipt and everything. (No, I don’t know what I was thinking. […]

How Survivors of Sexual & Domestic Violence Can Make History

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Fannie Lou Hamer! Motown! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr! Rosa Parks! Angela Davis! Eartha Kitt! Recy Taylor! Dr. Maya Angelou! Nina Simone! Dorothy Dandridge! Motown! Malcolm X!   Names you’ve heard. Just judging by who is mentioned during Black History Month, it might seem that, in order to make history one […]

What Racists and Child Rape Apologists Have in Common

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Seems like all you have to do is make one simple statement:   The problem of black men who prey upon black    girls/boys must be discussed and addressed.   Just that statement forces hell to come undone.   I don’t think that the child rape apologists realize just how much […]

Sexual Violence Against Males: No Video, No Witnesses, and It IS Killing Them

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse So last night I was twitter watching one of my favorite shows. Yep, it is a crime show. You can read about the story here: What I want to talk about is the reaction on social media. **Emotions High As Former Bloomfield Football Player Sentenced In Fatal Stabbing Myths about Teen […]

Survivors Have the Right to Tell Their Stories

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Silence You have the right to remain silent. I learned about the Miranda rights case in my 8th grade Civics class. Great lesson. Remaining silent can actually keep you out of prison. Got it. That was pretty easy. That went right along with the family’s commandment. “Don’t put all your business in the street.” […]

What’s In a Name: A Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse names Her Rapist

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Did I tell y’all about that time that they printed a speech  I delivered in public in the paper?  Well, that isn’t even the most interesting part.  The most interesting part was deciding whether or not to name the child rapist from my past. I bring this up because of this […]

Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 2

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Why Does Society Make it Difficult for Survivors of Rape & Abuse to Come Forward? Part 1     7.  Every choice that you ever made (sexually) is scrutinized.  They have questions. Everybody.   Q: How many intimate partners have you had?   Q: How quickly do you usually decide to sleep […]

6 Smart Tactics to Help Survivors Strengthen Confidence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse People who have been abused often struggle with self-doubt.  Yeah. You can put up a tough exterior for everyone else.    Some days you can even fool yourself. The truth is. Words do hurt.    In fact, they have a way of leaving a brand on you, don’t they?  In order […]

The Secret for Ending the Cycle of Abusive Relationships and Finding the Healthy One

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse A few years ago I went to a few Washington Wizards games with my son. Now, I’m not big on sports.  My poor son had to explain every single moment of the game.    I’m not sure of the details, but I understand that in basketball, rebounds can be a good […]

What a Difference a Voice Makes

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse I am the most talkative of my mother’s three children.  I think that is how I began to write.  Part enjoyment, but yeah, part necessity.   I was wearing people out.     But it wasn’t until the age of 19/20 that I came into my voice.   I remember looking […]

Part 2: How to Teach Kids to Say “No” and Tell on a Child Sex Abuser ASAP

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Everyone is entitled to boundaries, especially our children. Children should be empowered to listen to that little voice that might say, “Uh-oh something doesn’t feel right.”If they don’t want to be touched that particular day or any day, no one ought to be allowed to push the issue.No one should be […]

Part 3: How to Teach Kids to Say & Tell on a Child Sex Abuser ASAP

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Children can get confused if we only place emphasis on someone touching them. We must remember to teach children that no one other children’s and adult’s private areas are off-limits as well. If anyone exposes themselves to a child that is a boundary violation. If anyone manipulates, or prompts, or forces […]

What takes so long: 7 Stages of Adjustment to Healing from Sexual Violence

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Oh, so that’s what that is for So, I’m watching tv the other day.  There is a show on that I like about people who work on a rescue unit in large city.  The squad goes to help a guy who was injured on the job. This character who was working on a […]

The Truth about Child Sexual Abuse & Respect

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse Someone once gave me this well-meaning parenting advice once: “Always teach children to respect their elders by teaching them to refer to adults as “Mr.” and “Ms.”  I get the spirit of this advice. Respect for elders & adults were huge in my mom’s home. We were raised to show ALL […]

5 Reasons Why the Silence Around Abuse Isn’t Golden

Follow tonyagjprince & wesurviveabuse They say “silence is golden”.  No, it isn’t, it’s tarnished and rusty on the edges.  At least when it comes to abuse it is. Allow me to show my work: Backstory: A few months ago I was visiting a family member.  One day when my son was about 7, he was walking home […]