We Gotta Ask Pregnant Moms Who Are Survivors Better Questions

SHARE:

When a close relative, Morgan*, announced her pregnancy our family was ecstatic!   I had to hear every detail. By this time my own pregnanc...


When a close relative, Morgan*, announced her pregnancy our family was ecstatic!

 I had to hear every detail.
By this time my own pregnancy was like 15 years ago and I I was too young, sick, and terrified to appreciate the whole miracle. 
Yes, I was reliving my pregnancy through her. 

She didn’t mind. 
I checked. I know I can get bossy and not in an effective way all the time.
We did the whole thing.

What Families Do
 We stared at the sonogram pictures trying to figure out which family members this little princess looked like.  
The doctor’s reports always came back good.

Everybody was well. 
Baby was healthy and growing.
Soon to be a mom is healthy. Well sick and tired, but healthy.
Soon-to-be dad was over the moon.

Everything was baby, baby, baby. 

Mommy Check
But, in the middle of a conversation one day Morgan shared with me that during a routine exam she had a panic attack on the exam table. 
  
Uh-oh.
We don't talk about this. Stuff.
Not when she isn’t pregnant
Not when she is sleepy.  Not ever.

What Readers Need to Know
Here is what y’all need to know….

Morgan is a Survivor.

Morgan never talks about it. 
 Never, ever, ever, ever, never.
 
Some of my family and friends do this work.  
  
Some wouldn’t do this for Oprah’s money.

So back to my Pregnant Relative…
I know that something disturbing happened to her. But she doesn’t deal with it out in the open the way that I do.   

No blog, speeches, and definitely not on social media. 

We don’t mention it in front of her close friends because no matter how close they are I assume that she has not told them.

I know that she prefers to deal with that time of her life privately, in her own way, and would appreciate it if no one ever spoke about it. 

As we continued our conversation that day, Morgan revealed that she hadn’t told a single person.   

Morgan had always been private that way.   

The panic attacks began when she found out that she was pregnant. 

Morgan expressed that being pregnant made her body feel foreign to her in the same way that being sexually violated repeatedly in her childhood years had. 

Her doctor wanted to prescribe an anti-depressant.  If you knew Morgan, you knew she doesn’t take medications.  

 I got it.   

She doesn’t want to feel less in control currently.

The MOST Important Question
Now we began to strategize a different plan customized to see her through until the newest princess arrived. 
How could we support Morgan?  


I asked her an important question: What do YOU need?

She stopped sobbing. 

She had answers.  Okay.  We came up with a few remedies.   

Morgan took the lead.


1.      She needed to feel in control. 
As a victim of child sexual abuse, that was stolen from her.  Now that she was pregnant, she was feeling that way again.


2.   She decided that she needed to tap into her assertiveness.
In spite of how her mother may come off to others, Morgan’s mother has always been her barrier if Morgan is triggered. 

Now Morgan is quite assertive in her own right. However, when she is triggered, she can begin to feel less like herself.  Just the thought of this possibility was causing Morgan anxiety.

3.    We re-framed the thoughts that she was not in control.

She isn't going along for the ride here. What she will be doing and is doing is unselfishly sharing her body with a little person that she has never set eyes on, but loves very deeply.

For months, she had provided this little angel with a warm soft home to grow and thrive in.  Her body wasn’t being invaded.  She was fully in control as she was the one and only person helping this beautiful blessing to join us on this earth.

4.     We talked about who will be there and who will not.
Although he is a family member, the man who raped her will not be present as one of the greatest miracles of her life unfolds.

She will be assisted by people who want to be a helpful part of this miracle.  Their knowledge, experience, and presence is there to make this easier not more difficult.

5.     I gently reminded her that she could choose to reveal to her doctors, nurses, and anyone else that touched or treated her that she was a Survivor of abuse.

She could express her needs to them. 
She could educate them about her needs. 
She no longer needs to hide.
She no longer needs to feel the need to live in shame.

CAUTION: Handle this one with care. 

If you have a family member who is an advocate for you, you might consider having them there.  Just because a person is a medical health professional does not mean that they will be sensitive and empathetic to the needs of sexual violence Survivors.  
Medical health professionals are people.   

People can be tactless, and lack knowledge, training, understanding, empathy, and wisdom. 

Unfortunately, these things can further damage a Survivor in the process of healing.

WE Survive
I am so Morgan and all of the Survivors everywhere who allow tiny little miracles to take up residence in their precious bodies.  It isn't easy for any woman.   

It certainly isn't easy for any woman whose body has unfortunately been at the scene of a crime.


There is room for improvement to do better so as not to further trigger moms.  This way both mom and baby might have a healthier beginning.

I'm smiling right now just thinking about it. 
Oh, the possibilities.

Y'all feel free to chime in about those possibilities! Suggestion? Stories? Ideas?

 


COMMENTS

Name

.abuse,3,Abuse,81,abuse healing,2,Abuse by Older,6,Abuse by Older Children,41,Advocates/Activists,85,affirmation,14,Affirmations,84,Art,28,Audio,36,Black femicide,20,Black Women,66,body movement,6,Body safety,61,Books,31,Boundaries,54,Boys of Color,38,Buy Now,9,Campus sexual violence,20,Caught In the Hive,2,Celebrity/Fame,36,child safety,91,Child sexual abuse,108,Child sexual violence,109,Children,73,Civil Rights,9,Civil Rights/Social Justice,83,Coercion,16,Consent,29,Disabilities,23,Doing Better,102,Domestic Violence,62,ebook,10,Encourage,39,Faith,64,Faith in Storms,63,Female Health,86,female health civil rights,74,Female Safety,124,Femicide,27,Feminism/Womanism,168,Forgiveness,11,FREE,2,FREEBIE,8,Girls of Color,77,Global Conflict,2,Guest Post,2,Happy Holidays,3,Healing,166,healing art heals,2,Health,34,High Five from WESurvive,7,History/Herstory,102,Human Trafficking,17,Immigration,9,In the News,130,Infographic,6,Journaling,10,Leave the Kids Alone,16,LGBT,45,Male Survivors,26,Men of Color,20,Mental health,55,Mental Wellnes and Health,18,Mental Wellness and Health,73,Mood Board,4,Newsletter,3,Online Abuse/Predators,3,or Genocide,1,Parenting Tips & Awareness,16,People with disabilities,52,podcast,9,Political Action Alerts,52,Prevention,15,Public Speaking,19,Public Speaking,9,Quotes,18,Rape,89,Relationships,61,Resources,37,Resources for parents/caretakers,33,Resources for victims/Survivors,39,Safe Spaces,47,safegaurding,5,Safeguarding,73,Safety,30,Self care,80,Self Love,47,Self Love videos,10,Shop,7,Sibling Abuse,10,SPEAK,87,Statistics,3,Storytelling,29,Substance Use,4,Suicide,20,Surviving Daily,490,Teens,2,Testimonial Tuesday,4,video,84,videos,2,War,2,wineb,1,Wisdom,142,women,57,Women of Color,165,
ltr
item
WE Survive Abuse : We Gotta Ask Pregnant Moms Who Are Survivors Better Questions
We Gotta Ask Pregnant Moms Who Are Survivors Better Questions
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZxXpkk5KOiNzfjTTN_KZ8nydSAwTpLRoXg6MurNBUjslJ8ZFMdRthy8nX3MG6d4P35fQeWFdip1uT2Tpwf4BlpBM0tW8_donjJsrxNZ0Unw-DkBjMokFNuJPcxZFPhG5d7G2Juokgf0/s320/Pregnant+woman.jpg
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZxXpkk5KOiNzfjTTN_KZ8nydSAwTpLRoXg6MurNBUjslJ8ZFMdRthy8nX3MG6d4P35fQeWFdip1uT2Tpwf4BlpBM0tW8_donjJsrxNZ0Unw-DkBjMokFNuJPcxZFPhG5d7G2Juokgf0/s72-c/Pregnant+woman.jpg
WE Survive Abuse
https://www.wesurviveabuse.com/2016/04/we-gotta-ask-pregnant-moms-who-are.html
https://www.wesurviveabuse.com/
https://www.wesurviveabuse.com/
https://www.wesurviveabuse.com/2016/04/we-gotta-ask-pregnant-moms-who-are.html
true
5045175088277135304
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Readmore Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy Table of Content