People who pressure Survivors to tell a single story.
Ex: Black Survivors are not allowed to tell how slavery impacted our black families. Even though this is a core reason why generation after generation, in some family units, you can talk about any other social ill.
However, you may never speak about rape.
The damage still continues to this very day.
Silence is a shield, a flawed one, but effective nonetheless. Besides, I have matured enough to stop blaming my our silence and shift the blame to the necessity for the silence.
The black culture isn’t the only silenced culture. Far from it. Mighty far from it.
There is no truth in a single story.
You can’t heal from a lie.
This not only slows the healing of the individual, but it slows the healing of the community.
When it comes to healing from trauma, there may not be instant fixes.
“I went through that and I got over it.”
“I chose to move on with my life.”
The easier the solution the better.
Most of the time you don’t even question it.
WE don’t either. WE start asking ourselves the wrong questions.
What is wrong with me?
Counselors who are not culturally competent.
Does this mean that you can only go to people who are your same race and/or gender? No.
My counselor was brilliant. It is because of her that I make the choices that I make today.
In many ways, she is still saving my life. She knew that I with the amount of trauma that I had suffered it would be a long road. She never told me that, but she educated me about the decisions that I make in a crisis.
He looked at me face to face and asked, “Are you still worried about that?”
I don’t blame Survivors for leaving out a few things here and there.
This isn’t a complete list but more people should be aware of their behavior. Violence is a community problem that will take a community solution.
To not be believed when WE are violated is like getting out of a car after an accident and getting hit by another car. It adds further damage. However, when people in helping professions and so-called allies hit you with their ignorance, that is additional damage.
If you are in the helping profession, I urge you to do what you can to make yourself a more useful to others. These daily violations on top of a mountain of pain are agonizing.
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