The Undeniable Truth About Surviving Tough Times That No One Is Telling You

Some women came from the Women’s March proud of one special achievement.

They were proud that they expressed their views in a way that didn’t appear angry.  
They said you could tell because no one was arrested and there wasn’t “violence”.  
They were “good girls.”

I was angry at these women.
At first.
They got up too early Sunday morning with that shenanigans. Posted their “achievements” all over the internet like gold stars you get in kindergarten.  
Well before my morning reflection time. But then, as I reflected upon my response, this teaching came to mind.

I was watching that 1991 Oprah show when retired Sergeant Strong told the audience to never let a kidnapper take you to the second crime scene.


On that day,  I remember thinking that I had already been alone with rapists for much of my childhood.  I could testify that what people do to you when no one is around is far worse than what they would ever do to you when they think that someone could come along.


Second Crime Scene
Sergeant Strong’s Second Crime Scene theory is classic.  If you think about it his theory goes way beyond typical physical crime scenes. The Second Crime Scene works in child sexual abuse cases.

Currently, we call it grooming. But abusers work hard to get children to quietly so that they can get them alone or the Second Crime Scene.

And don’t we as a society teach children to be “good” “nice” “compliant”?  “Always do what adults that the family knows tells them to?”

OR we avoid talking about danger and sex altogether.


So, when they are faced with it children have no idea what to do. We leave them helpless as they are being attacked.

 Without effective prevention & intervention, too many of our children end up at Second Crime Scenes.
Often, over and over again.

There is a Second Crime Scene element in domestic violence. A person is romanced and before they know it they are in love, alone and in the middle of a crime scene.

The People’s Second Crime Scene
I think people hear terms like racism. Poverty. Homophobia. Oppression. Sexism.
And they don’t think about the meaning.
I am not referring to the dictionary meaning.


I am not asking Webster a damn thing.
Who was on Webster’s committee that when the final decision was being made about the definition anyway?  

Here is an abridged definition that I think needs to be considered.  

We need to consider what racism, poverty, homophobia, oppression, and sexism do to people. In much the same way that we consider what cigarettes, lack of exercise, certain foods, drugs, cancer does to people. It is the same thing.


Racism is violent
Homophobia is violent
Sexism is violent
Poverty is violent
Oppression is violent


Homophobia is ruinous. It is potentially fatal.  It is a leading cause of suicide.  It is a leading cause of teen homelessness.   It is a leading cause of the epidemic of black trans deaths. It is a leading cause of victimization. It is a leading cause of sexual violence.  It is a leading cause of physical violence.  It is a leading cause of suicide among children. It is a leading cause of under-employment.  It is a leading cause of loss of personal relationships. It is a leading cause of fragmented families.  It is the leading cause of loss of employment.

Sexism is baneful.  It is a leading cause of under-employment and loss of employment.  It is a leading cause of lack of self -confidence. It is a leading cause of discrimination. It is a leading cause of victimization. It is a leading cause of mental illness.

Poverty is venomous.  It is a leading cause of incarceration. It is a leading cause of substance use.  It is a leading cause of under-employment. It is a leading cause of unemployment. It is a leading cause of deteriorating health.  It is a leading cause of mental illness. It is a leading cause of low-quality education.  It is a leading cause of low-quality nutrition.  It is a leading cause of trauma.  It is a leading cause of discrimination.  It is a leading cause of sexual violence. It is a leading cause of domestic violence. It is a leading cause of victimization.

Racism is catastrophic. It is a leading cause of incarceration. It is a leading cause of substance use.  It is a leading cause of under-employment. It is a leading cause of unemployment. It is a leading cause deteriorating health.  It is a leading cause of low-quality education.  It is a leading cause of low-quality nutrition.  It is a leading cause of trauma.  It is a leading cause of discrimination.  It is a leading cause of sexual violence. It is a leading cause of domestic violence. It is a leading cause of victimization.


Racism is so catastrophic that folks can see evidence of it and still deny its presence. It can kill like an invisible gas. People deny it ever existed and move on with life like it was never there.


Racism makes you sick and tired of being sick and tired. (Fannie Lou Hamer)


What have we learned?


Racism is violent
Homophobia is violent
Sexism is violent
Poverty is violent
Oppression is violent

By the way, they all have a hand in leading to sexual and domestic violence.

So, why are people blaming the victims who fight back against it again?


Meanwhile, the people with the power continue to make laws pushing suffering people into Second Crime Scenes every day.  


Remember laws are not necessarily right or wrong.  They are just the decisions that were put in place by the people with the power at any given time or place.

Change Gotta Come
We find ourselves living in divided times.


Too many believe that being nice, easy to get along with will make the journey easier.  On what previous date and time have oppressors suddenly decided to become more compassionate?

When did a strange man kidnapping a woman in the dark night suddenly stop and do the right thing?  

Don’t count the guys who were scared off by noises, strangers, or something random like that.  
I mean, he just instantly turned kind.  Instantly turned kind hearted and never committed another crime against a vulnerable woman again in his life.

Has that ever happened?
Has that ever happened in history? (Exclude texts of Faith)
How to Obtain Justice
You don’t earn justice
You don’t ask for justice
You don’t put in a request for justice
You fight for justice!


You fight because if you are a victim/Survivor of racism, homophobia, oppression, generational poverty, sexual violence, domestic violence somebody already attacked you first.

There is nothing wrong with fighting or anger.
We must stop shaming people for refusing to be taken to someone’s “Second Crime Scene” of oppression.

WE Are Here
When someone’s intent is to be violent towards you, to torture you and they have little to no regard for you as a human being.

1.As difficult as that is to fathom IF you are going to survive you must realize that some people really hate you. Hate the ground you walk on. Hate the shadow your body makes on that ground.

Doesn’t even matter if both of y’all and all your kinfolk grew up on the same soil. They hate ya!

Hate. YOU!

Got it?


2. Next, you must realize that there are people that hate you are intent on hurting, torturing you, even killing you.

3. Then you must realize that you are at war. You didn’t declare it.  You may not have been here when it started, but you are in it. You are in a struggle for survival.

4. Next, you must realize that you have choices.  In this case, two. Go or Fight.  

Go: You can cooperate with their intentions to further dehumanize you.  You can be “good” or “nice”.  You can “go along to get along”.  You can allow them to do whatever they want with you and your loved ones.  

Fight: Or You can fight. You can fight with every able cell in your being.  
You may win.
You may win for others.
You weaken the opposition.
YOU may Survive!


Never was, Never will be
Social justice has never been this polite white tie affair people make it out to be.  Even if you are wearing a white tie.


Social justice is a long, graphic, horrific bloody battle.  Social justice is a gory war.

Racism is not rudeness and unkindness it is violent. Homophobia is violent.  
Poverty is violent.   
We call it sexual violence for a reason.
We call it domestic violence for a reason.

Look, if you decide to swallow your anger and be compliant you will nicely walk you and everyone under your charge to their doom.

That’s the Truth, and it is all we got.

Tonya GJ Prince
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Tonya GJ Prince

Tonya is a Social Justice Info Expert with over 23 years experience. She holds a BS in Organizational Management & Development. Her cat MiaBelle is her co-writer.
Tonya GJ Prince
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