“Nobody kisses me!
I knew the list cold. It was a list we agreed on together. See, I am his mother.
And, that little four-year-old who was being indignant and yelling, was my son. He was playing with a ten-year-old girl a few yards away from me.
I didn’t see what happened but apparently, she must have kissed him. He liked her. But, he had just met her within the last hour. So she wasn’t on the list. He didn’t know her.
I was already working in domestic & sexual violence. So you know I started him young with sexual violence prevention.
But that isn’t the only reason.
Back in the Day (1980’s)
My little Sister and I have some icky memories of being prodded to hug/kiss relatives/neighbors. It was just what you did. There were no other options.
I hated that crap.
My little brother didn’t have to go through this.
They have reasons for them. “He’s a boy.” “Boys don’t kiss.” “He’s playing, let him be.” “Aw, he’s a big boy.”
As for me and my sis, if we so much as turned up our faces or pulled away:
We were being rude.
Goodness, gracious I STILL remember a certain elderly male that our family used to visit who would actually pretend to cry just to guilt us into a hug/kiss. Everyone thought it was cute.
What message do you think that we got from all of this?
- We learned to be very sensitive to the emotions of other people.
- We learned that it was important to please others.
- We learned that it even if we were uncomfortable other people’s emotions and pleasure was far more important than our own.
For, why? This baffles me, each and every time.
When raising a girl child, do you want her to learn how to be compliant or how to bravely and loudly say “no” when she means it?
It also taught a sense of helplessness.
I was sexually abused as a child by people my mother knew and thought she could trust.
I’ll leave that right there.
And I’ll ask one last time
When raising any child, boy or girl, do you want them to learn how to be compliant or how to bravely and loudly say “no” when they mean it?
Click this link for our compilation of FREE RESOURCES.
Courtesy of WESurviveAbuse
1. Sexual Violence Resource List
2. Say No & Tell Me If
3. How Do Good Parents Miss Child Sexual Abuse (article)
4. National Latino Network (website link)