My son was born fighting for his life.
He was born premature.
That journey could have been a complete nightmare, but it had a lot of blessings sprinkled in there.
But this fight is about a fight I didn’t see coming. This fight was in daycare.
Carl was a shy and cute little guy who also stuttered somewhat when he spoke.
Carl and my son were two peas in a pod. In fact, they were both small enough to fit in a pod.
They were smaller statured boys. Yeah, short.
Guess how I found out?
I got a call at work.
The daycare director demanded to see me in her office right away.
The ‘pod crew’ decided that anytime you messed with Carl, my son would drop his toys and come flying out of nowhere.
The two of them would address the issue usually by ganging up on the other child (ren).
I was told that they were apt to become assertive, aggressive and loud.
( I could totally see this from my son, but little Carl?)
There is a problem?
They are having strategy sessions.
They are three-years-old!
We just finished potty training. Accurately.
Why were our boys the only problem?
It was important to note though that it was a response to agitation and teasing because the boys were different. We parents took that great opportunity to teach our points about how to respond to rudeness. However, what also needed to change was the agitation and teasing.
Keep your focus, and others, on the core problem or issue. Make certain that the bulk of your energy goes there and isn’t wasted on what distractors want it to be.
Lesson 2. People who aren’t suffering don’t want to solve the problem they just want peace and relief.
This is why when a person suffers harm or a great loss: a loved one is murdered, sexual abuse, rape, or domestic violence; folks immediately want to know whether or not you will forgive the person. In fact, they insist that you do.
In times of loss you get “thoughts and prayers” and nothing more.
People fear strong emotions that come from a place of pain.
They fear that your strong emotions and any actions that follow will somehow upset the norm. Things might actually change! Oh no! People don’t like change.
“Hurry up and forgive so that we can get back to what I know as normality.”
Once you know this, you can’t allow yourself to be distracted by their stalling tactics.
Watch how the powers that be make those groups into the villains. Suddenly it isn’t the rapist or abuser who is the problem. It is the group that came together to fight the injustice.
The focus now turns to “how” they are fighting.
No one would hear you cry when you were a helpless victim.
BUT when you were able to get people to hear you roar-you’re opportunistic, aggressive, bullies.
You can’t be defined by how many followers, fans, or “friends” you do or do not have.
You have to stay in motion, even through the storms of criticism.
They planned their work, then worked their plan. They really didn’t seem to care about the critics.
That year they continued to gain friends and lose bullies.
Copyright 2015 WE Survive Abuse