July 2015

Safety for Undocumented Victims of Abuse

From: www.domesticshelters.orgDomestic violence is a crime no one is immune to. No matter a person’s class, status or background, abuse still chooses a victim every nine seconds in the U.S. And when that victim is an illegal immigrant, they often think they have nowhere to turn. Afraid of deportation, they stay silent, enduring the violence regardless of how severe it becomes. In May of this year, a 25-year-old undocumented immigrant victim

Why domestic violence advocates say the best way to help survivors is to give them back control

Abusers control. That’s their No. 1 tactic to keep domestic abuse survivors simultaneously afraid of them and yet reluctant to leave them. Be it controlling a survivor’s ability to go places, hold a job or access money, see friends or family, keep their children, what sexual decisions to make, or, by using some other form of mental control to make the victim feel dependent on their abuser, they are all

The Right to Die of Suicide from Mental Suffering

Yesterday there was a discussion on a social media page that I follow.  Suicide. That’s what we were discussing. There was this one guy who was leaning in on the point  that suicide is an option for some.  He seemed to assert that for some the pain is so great that is a valid option. A few of us women attempted to disagree with only mild to moderate emotion.  Eventually,

What No One Tells You About Spanking And Sexual Abuse

So, I met this beautiful woman, Delores.You know she is the only person I have ever come across who hates trees.Who hates trees?Well to her, trees represent pain.When she was a little girl if she did something wrong there was a penalty.  She had to go out into the yard and pull off a skinny branch from one of the trees in the yard. Then take that skinny branch to

The Truth About Child's Play and Child Sexual Abuse

Before I typed this, I stared at the blinking cursor for quite some time. A whole lot longer than it usually takes me. I still can’t believe how hard it is to talk about. As difficult as child sexual abuse is to talk about, I have to admit that it is easier when the person who abused you is an adult male. That is the template. That is only part of

Mail Order Domestic Violence

(revised from original post 7/1/15) After the RiceLila married Jack. Things were fairy tale for a long time. And then the abuse started. Then it stopped. Then it never stopped. Lila Lila was gorgeous. In a way that was genuinely unforgettable. Meet her one time and you would remember both her name and face forever. Lila was the adoring mother of two children with her husband of ten years, Jack.

Who is Hosting the 2015 Awards Ceremony for Rapists and Abusers

Oh come on.  Surely someone must be.  I mean with all of these defenders there has to be.Just this week yet another high profile celebrity apologized for abusing “underage” girls.  (PR speak for kids.)And there it was. Right on time.  The swift embrace of child sexual abusers.Picture the biblical story of the Prodigal son. When rapists and/or abusers come forward people seem to want to break out words like:“forgiveness”“well, at least”“sounds

How We Are Getting Played by Rapists & Abusers

The Pied PiperWhen I was a kid, there was a “children’s story” that scared me to death.The Pied Piper was a story based on a legend about the disappearance of departure or death of nearly all of the children from a town in Germany during the Middle Ages.He was a charismatic figure who was hired by the mayor of a small town to drive out the rats who had overrun the town.

Survivors of Abuse and Baggage Handling

“It’s handled!”I love when Olivia says this!For those who don’t know. Olivia is Olivia Pope. On Thursdays my entire home must go silent. All emergencies must be rescheduled to a more convenient time.Olivia Pope is the lead fictional character on the ABC television show Scandal. She is based on real life crisis manager Judy Smith.She is a fixer. She fixes the lives of others when they screw them up. Usually politically.But she is like

This is Why Survivors Can't Have Nice Things..Sarah Palin was Right Y'all

Sarah Palin was correct.She and I may never come to this intersection again. Who knows if we’ll ever agree on anything in the years to come? We do today.I am a Survivor of multiple perpetrators of child sexual abuse. I wasn’t first generation. I worked my son’s whole childhood to protect him from suffering. There were close calls, but faith, family, folks, and fight saved him.Y’all know I brought those

How What We Don't Know About Suicide is Killing People

According to the CDC:   In 2013 (the most recent year for which full data are available), 41,149 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. In that year, someone in the country died by suicide every 12.9 minutes.I read an article online about a young accomplished woman who died of suicide.In was so disappointed to read the comment section.  You know, in usually when you

An Open Letter to My Fellow Christians about Sex Abuse

Re: Rape, sexual violence, molestation, and child sexual abuseI can very easily recall my last suicide attempt.It was years ago, but my mind always remembers it like it was just the other day or something.I remember coming home from the hospital. They had pumped my stomach, again. I was a burning furnace.I was angry. I had been trying to end my suffering here on this earth since I was a child.

The Truth about Child Sexual Abuse & Respect

Someone once gave me this well-meaning parenting advice once:“Always teach children to respect their elders by teaching them to refer to adults as “Mr.” and “Ms.” I get the spirit of this advice.Respect for elders & adults were huge in my mom’s home. We were raised to show ALL adults a high level of respect. No questions asked.Unfortunately, where silence AND limited questions co-exist, there is usually someone suffering. When I hear