Letter from an Angry Survivor of Sexual Violence about this Bill Cosby Tragedy

7/7/2015 Tonight I am angry.  That isn't my default setting though.  Usually, I smile so much that I have to consciously tell myself not...

7/7/2015

Tonight I am angry. 

That isn't my default setting though.  Usually, I smile so much that I have to consciously tell myself not to do it.  That ain't happening today.

For the past 2 years or so I have heard you loud and clear.

You didn't believe all those women when they said that they were raped and drugged.  But tonight you learned that Bill Cosby himself said that he did and now you believe.

I read your comments at the end of articles about Bill Cosby and a few other celebrities accused of life destroying acts of sexual violence.

Everybody was a sociologist/Hollywood expert/career expert who understands all the ways of women who want to be successful in business. 

Everyone was a scientist who knew that Beverly Johnson and others couldn't be telling the truth about being drugged because of something they recall from their 5th-grade science class.  "Drugs don't work that way."  Really?

Everyone was a statistical analyst, facial analyst, voice analyst, heck folks were making up analysts.

YOU ARE HERE

With love I say, America, you know little to nothing about rape and abuse! 

I repeat. You know little to nothing about rape and abuse.

Stop talking!  Stop writing!  Stop typing!

Remember that there are:

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).¹

17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.¹

About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.¹

And before folks start playing tiddlywinks with the statistics, as if that will make anybody's experience any less awful, try this. 

Ask, "Why are so many people raping other people?"

Who cares about the finite number? 

 I can tell you that you will never get it.  There are too many people who will go to their grave having told not one living soul with a heartbeat that someone raped them. 

 Let alone a researcher who is a stranger to them.

So, the important question is, "Why are so many people raping men, women, and children?" 

AND

"What can we do about it?"

That would be very helpful. Thank you.

  A right to be furious

Survivors are dying.  

We suffer emotional, mental and physical pain on/off for a lifetime.  Some of us are disabled, can't work, or have limitations.  

People are dying of suicide because man the ferocity of this pain can be more than the human body can withstand alone. Especially in a society that still doesn't "get" pain that is invisible to the eye.

We suffer physical pain, and some of us are disabled. Migraines, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, IBS, obesity, anorexia, and too many other illnesses have all been linked to a history of sexual violence.

And the worst part of all.  The very worst part.  

Children are still in danger because we refuse to admit that we don't know enough.  We refuse to admit that we need to know more.  We refuse to admit that we need to take action.

But maybe you aren't the touchy-feely type.  Maybe numbers are your thing. I got you.

Did you know?

The best available research tells us that crime victimization costs the United States $450 billion annually (National Institute of Justice, 1996)

Rape is the most costly of all crimes to its victims, with total estimated costs at $127 billion a year (excluding the cost of child sexual abuse). 

 In 2008, violence and abuse constituted up to 37.5% of total health care costs, or up to $750 billion (Dolezal, McCollum, & Callahan, 2009).

In 2012, Military Sexual Assaults cost the US 3.6 Billion dollars.

Okay, now I have to cut this a little tight and bring it in closer to where I live.

This is a black thing.

 Yes, it is.  I love my culture.  But I hated what was done to black women during this whole Bill Cosby scandal.

Black women on twitter got draggggggged for offering a narrative that was counter to supporting Bill Cosby.

Some women were simply disclosing their own personal experiences.  They even got dragged for that.  How dare we speak?
How dare we give voice to our own pain?

I truly am to the edge of my emotional cliff with my fellow Brothers who don't want to see our pain when it comes to rape and abuse but love that God given ride or die thang in black women that has us climbing flag poles and confronting injustice staring down even armed antagonists. 

Yeah, basically doing what we do on a regular basis, being Wonder Woman.

If we can protest, make any message go viral on social media, write articles/posts/comments, lose friends, lose followers, debate trolls/ignorant folks for you----then I want to know where you gonna be from here on out when we sound the alarm on violators that come against us.

I'm not asking you to jump to any conclusions.  

Just stop attacking us.  

Stop going into ghost mode and completely failing to speak up at all. 

 Respect US. 

Protect US. 

We do it for you.

Help us to stop a killer in our midst, rape and abuse.

Can the Sistahs get some reciprocity?

So, Brothers, you riding or what?

Cleaning this mess up

Education about sexual violence shouldn't be limited to tallying up cases about false allegations.

• Learn the facts.  
• Hear from the victims and the professionals, advocates, and activists who serve.   
• Keep your information current.  

I promise that you might never learn it all but try to get as much as you can.

ORRRRR

Or you can continue on your own chosen path. 

 You can join the others who through action and deed keep demanding that victims/Survivors "forgive" quick fast and in a hurry.  

You can join the others who through action and deed keep demanding that victims/Survivors "get over it", and you want us to put some speed on that too.  

You can join the masses who keep demanding through action and deed that victims/Survivors remain silent until a more convenient time, that never comes.

 Well, I, a Survivor of sexual violence,  only have one word in response to your demands.

  It is a word that I truly believe in faith that folks are going to understand one of these days. 

NO.

1.     National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey. 1998.